Becoming A Mother

As I sit by my dining table with my laptop, I look back and realized, what a ride I've had so far!

It's been 6 months + since Tyrael was born and he's one of the best things that has ever happened to me!

I've never really thought of how it'll be like being a mother until I finally became one. Back when I found out I was pregnant with Tyrael, I was full of excitement, joy, yet doubtful and worried of whether or not I'll do a good job as a mother.

They say being a mother is a lifetime job which requires your lifelong commitment, love, care, attention towards your your child who depends on you so much especially during his/her early years.

When Tyrael was born, from the moment I first saw him, I fell in love and the strong maternal instinct rushed through my body and from that moment on, I knew I wanted to give him the best, raise him well, make sure he doesn't have to worry about not having enough clothing or food, pocket money to school and etc. I want to give him a good childhood.

The past 6 months has been a roller coaster ride. Tough but I've learnt so much from it! From the early newborn days which was the hardest to get by due to Tyrael being colicky, causing restless nights for hubby and I as we chose not to hire help back then to be as hands on as possible and to save money, the days after he turned 2 months old and he was passing his colicky days, slowly both hubby and I got to know Tyrael better and were able to handle him better, we were able to identify his needs and know what he was crying for and attend to that need.

Tyrael on the other hand also got to know us better and from both sides, parents and baby, we were slowly becoming one, a family.

I won't deny, during the early days, there were times when I was so deprived of sleep, tired and frustrated that I lost my temper and was whining and complaining. (Don't worry I did not abuse my baby LOL.) But at the end of the day, when my baby finally sleeps well and you look at his angelic tiny face and body sleeping so soundly, you forget all the fatigue, tiredness and pain. In fact, I felt guilty whenever I lost my temper and whined or complained. No one forced me have a child, it was my own decision so therefore I should be responsible for my baby and shouldn't whine and complain.

Through the past 6 months, I've realized that being a mother is not just about breastfeeding your child for the longest time or making sure you have enough money for him and that's it. It is so much more than that. The time, effort, love, care, concern and nurture you have to provide your child is much more. I find myself wanting the best for my baby and becoming a paranoid woman when it comes to baby care. I make sure my helper follows my way and ensure hygiene is properly taken care of, reminding her of the safety precautions and how to handle baby again and again even though she is already doing it right.

Everywhere I go, I think of baby stuffs first. Like when I go out to malls or the supermarket, the first shops and aisles I rush to is the baby section, looking through what they have in store regardless of whether or not I needed to buy anything. And when I'm there, most likely I leave the place picking up one or two baby stuffs with me. Then I get all excited and rush home to show and give it to Tyrael. Before baby, shopping malls or supermarkets meant buying stuffs for myself, clothes, shoes and all. But I no longer get enticed by those things anymore. Instead, baby stuffs are the main things in my mind nowadays.

I guess many mothers can relate to me on this as all we can think about is our baby now. Especially for working mothers who have to leave their baby in the hands of the caregivers at the infant cares centres, nannies, mothers or mothers in law and such, spending most of our day away from our precious ones.
I'm kinda surprised actually. That I would be thinking about the welfare of another being first as priority always. I thought I could never do that until I had my own child. Almost everything in my life right now, the decisions I make, I have to think whether and how it'll affect Tyrael or my ability to provide for him.

He has grown so much since his newborn days, achieving new milestones every now and then, changing in character, looks and size. His smiles make my day and his laughter fills my heart with happiness and joy. His little achievements and milestones makes me feel so excited I have no words to describe that wonderful feeling when you see your child grow and achieve milestones step by step, one at a time even though it may be just a simple motion like being able to sit up, something many of us take for granted in daily as it comes so naturally and easy to us.

Becoming a mother has been a wonderful and great experience despite the tough times and sacrifices one have to make. I've not once regretted anything but in fact, I look forward to providing the best I can for my baby, I aim to make sure I provide enough for him to not worry about growing up in a poor environment. I vow to nurture him into a decent human being and make sure I spend enough time with him, guiding him through life.
I may not be the best mother in the world, but I will do the best I can for my little one. No one is perfect in the world and so are mothers. Although not perfect, mothers aim to give the best for their child and seeing your them growing well, healthy and strong is the best reward a mother can ever get!

With that I shout out to all mothers, whatever the circumstances or situation you're living in, you being a mother yourself, trying your best for your baby and loving your child unconditionally is admirable to me.
Give yourself a pat on your shoulders and continue to do great for our precious ones!

I also wanna thank my mother for going through childbirth and spending so many years raising me into a decent human being, teaching me the important values in life, love and care which I will make sure to pass down to my child and future children if any.

Call your mother and thank her, regardless of whether or not she was a really good mother. At the very least, she has brought you into this amazing yet complicated world, and you're alive and living right now.

Till next time.

Love,
Vall~